so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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