And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
