I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just want to make out with him forever
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
