No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
