I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize