a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
