Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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