you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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