It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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