I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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