Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize