did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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