YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
