Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I wish there were birth control emojis
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
