Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
