I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just found a bag of teeth...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
