i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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