I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
