Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
