i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize