i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
