Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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