She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
