you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize