True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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