when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
