How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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