Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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