oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
