Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
