census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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