I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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