those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
