How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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