life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Blood and glitter go together right?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
