Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
