Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
