i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
