Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Randomize
