Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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