News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
