Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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