he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
