He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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