Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
