I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
he high fived his dick after we had sex
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize