Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
