Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
