Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize