She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
