They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
