i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
