yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
