if you like me you must not know who I am
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
