Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Let's paint friendship bongs
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
