CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
