"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
