Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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