I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize