just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
