Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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