i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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