Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize