i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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