Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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