Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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