do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
