What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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