haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
The Olympian is in my bed
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
