btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize