Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
