Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
