I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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