im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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