the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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