true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
