when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
We left an ass print on the piano.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
i've created a new STD.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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