Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
