i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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