Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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