I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
